Untitled.

Most of the time when I get hurt or something’s bothering me I don’t cry myself to sleep at night–not a teardrop is shed. It would probably seem to those people who had done something wrong to me a callous reaction, but if that is what they think of me then they are wrong. I have feelings, and no it was not a peaceful night for me every time they hurt my feelings. The sweet minutes spent relishing the day gone by right before dropping into dreamland was spent biting fingernails, consumed by heart-wrenching anger.

I can be cold–very cold–and sometimes you may believe it to be true. But facades are lies. You don’t believe in lies, do you? A cold exterior, but inside I am warm–so warm that I feel like my insides are melting, like candle wax.

Maybe I’m just stupid. Or insane. Maybe I just don’t understand what’s happening inside my own head. I am a bundle of rash decisions and petty what ifs that you don’t really need to be putting up with.

I’ve always thought that people who say that they are “confused” are merely looking for attention, or just plain dumb. I’ve always thought that I  know WHAT I want, and that this being all “confused” and stuff is just a way to delay myself. I know what I want to have, what I want to achieve, so why should I be confused? Why let confusion stand in my way of getting what I want?

Isn’t it all just stupid and pointless?

I am  stupid. And pointless.

I think I’m going crazy.

Good thing, I have someone who I can always run to. Who I can always share my problems with.

Thank God he has given me someone like you, PJ. I just can’t really express how blessed I am having you.